one.last.time

by .me.

I’ve always been good at identifying songs from the first few bars

My folks noticed it when I was young, and it’s just one of those *things*

Seems though, as I get older, I don’t only just recognise the song

but the emotions the song brings up.

Some songs.. some songs just kill me

For example: I could be kissing my as-yet-located husband at the alter after just getting married

and if someone put on ” John Lennon – War is Over”, I would go weak at the knees, crumple into a heap on the floor

and ball my eyes out at the humanity, and lack of humanity in this world.

I’ve just found another one.

Except, it has to do with just one person.

I’ve gone from bouncing around the house, to sitting here,

appreciating the fact I can touch type because I can’t see the keys properly through the tears that are bulging in my eye-lids and streaming down my face.

It wasn’t “our” song. In fact, it was more the ” after we broke up this song became his song to explain the emotions he was going through”.

he mentioned it.

once.

and i listened that night

and cried so hard for the heartbreak we’d both obviously dealt with.

were still dealing with.

I’m still dealing with.

I remember the strained car rides in the rain, needing to talk things over because

god-damn but we were so amazing at some stage

we have to try once more.

I remember holding each other while we listened together,

held each other so tight, too tight, scared-of-losing tight, because we both knew this would never last.

When i allow myself to think about you, i fall back down that hole

and end up writing bullshit on this blog to try and relieve myself of the ache.

That’s why it looks like I don’t care

because i care too much,

I’m going to have to walk away

but not before we both hear this song

one.last.time.

x

 

 

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