15 stops. 40 minutes. each day.

other people say it better sometimes.

wise words.


Don’t get into the habit of believing every thing I write here

is forever and ever,


it’s a moment. it’s fleeting.

but it exists.

it wells up, i spew it forth through my fingers

via the keyboard

and onto this once empty page.

And then,

normal, calm, happy,

talking to the cats, dancing in the rain,

smoking way to many ciggarettes, washed down with multiple cups

of my coffee.

Just normal, most of the time.

With occasional explosions of thoughts.



not from today, but not from that long ago either.

Emotionally yours, for a time

until pause

let’s slow

I’ve evasive, I’m elusive

I’m not sure what I just did

I can’t see past the screaming thoughts

that tell me




is the only option.

Then you can’t see me,

be me,

fear me!

For i can, and will, destroy you

just to prove that I can

just to prove that I’m not

as amazing as your eyes tell me.

Hope, dreams, sadness,

please. just be cool, your eyes beg.

please just don’t do this again

it’s such a shame

to watch a smart girl like you

act so predictably.



I did it again

I played with your heart

got lost in the game

If it’s come to the point where

Britney Spears lyrics can make

a true and honest statement

then it really is time to do something.

Yet, there is no “oop’s” feeling about it.

I can now acknowledge what I’ve done. Can take responsibility. Can be humble.

So scratch that line.

Your heart is more guarded/protected

Change the lyrics again.

I played with MY heart.

This time, every time

that rush when it starts

pulls me, drives me

makes me frantic

and manic

and predictably searching out

for that which I already had.

(Oct 2013)